Hurt by Church Leadership? Here are 10 Do’s and Don’ts to Help You Cope with Pain caused by a Church Pastor
The church is the last place we expect to get hurt.
As believers, we are taught the body of Christ is a family, and that each member, like branches of a tree are part of the whole tree.
But, even though I served, and gave, volunteered and prayed, why did the pastor hurt me?
The answer to that question resides with God, and Him alone.
The truth of the matter is, you may never know why your pastor hurt you. The good news is, there’s hope!
Here are 10 do’s and don’ts to help you cope with pain caused by a church pastor:
- DO lift up the situation to God
The first thing we should do when we cross such hurdles is pray. Ask God for guidance, surrender to His plan and follow the narrow path that will lead you to Him. Also, remember to pray for those who have trespassed us. - DON’T internalize the pain
A psychological lock box is not a suitable place for the kind of pain caused by someone we love, specially a church leader. Talking about the issue with a counselor or family and friends is not only a maybe, it’s a must. - DO forgive asap
Even though it goes against human nature, forgiveness is the only gateway to healing after someone, specially a church pastor has hurt us. Fact is, the faster we forgive someone that hurt us the better off we will be! - DON’T feel obligated to strive toward reconciliation
Because we all fall short of the glory of God, and by His grace and mercy we are forgiven of our trespasses, taking steps towards reconciliation with those who hurt us may not be God’s will. Inquire with Thy for clarification in Step 1. - DO pour out His love
It’s not easy loving on someone who’s hurt us. But, it’s not that difficult to pour out God’s love on someone we, ourselves aren’t very keen of any more. After all, we’ve all done things that hurt others, and were grateful for undeserving love we felt which was likely His that was poured out at the time… - DON’T retaliate
Trying to get back at a pastor or church leader who hurt us is playing in the hands of the enemy. On the flip side, if we were wronged by someone within the church, we have a responsibility to share the truth with appropriate parties, including the authorities, our friends, families and of course, church leadership. - DO look for another place of worship
Often God uses conflict to bring people together. Other times, He uses conflict to divide individuals so each one can better serve Him. In the event a relationship cannot be mended after a church pastor hurts us, it is best to follow God’s lead and find a different location from which to better serve Him who sent us. - DON’T gossip
Talking about pain is one thing. Whining about it to anyone who will listen, well that’s another story. The word is clear on gossiping, and those who engage in it will do well to quit. - DO thrive
We’ve all heard the old saying “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” While this is certainly true, it does not always apply to situations that involve pastors hurting members of their flock. It’s obvious we are still here on earth with a divinely appointed mission, so might as well pull up our sleeves, pick up our sword and put on our breastplate, for the battle is always at hand. - DON’T be a victim
Many who are hurt by their pastors or church leaders choose to dwell in agony while it is the offender who deserves condemnation, not the victim. Those who were hurt by church leadership should know they are not to blame, rather they were chosen by God to overcome and prosper beyond this challenge.
You are loved. You are cherished. #Blessed #OAMFG
While our congregation has had its share of struggles over the years, we are pleased that we have survived in spite of pastor Danny Hodges, his alcohol abuse, his anger and misuse of church funds of which over 65% were used for salaries!!!!!!! We are united and condemn those fools at http://www.wesupportdanny.org who are like blind mice following a freak show! Considering the staggering statistics on church mortality in America, we are grateful to God for still standing strong without that drunk charlatan telling us how much he hates when people talk about God on his boat (paid by us, the flock!!!), how unpleasant a man he is, and on and on and on… It’s FINALLY over! Better days ahead…
Hi Rod, I’d say CCSP more than survived, Calvary Chapel Saint Petersburg has THRIVED thanks to Danny Hodges, a brilliant teacher who, according to God’s perfect plan, surrounded himself with wolves who eventually turned on him, those leeches who gorged on Danny’s blood hoping their future was secure once he left. God will have His way with CCSP, as He will with Danny & Wendy Hodges and their children, as well as my family and I. I have to admit I miss Danny’s teaching and even more importantly, Wendy’s impact on my wife and daughters. But, Danny and his “board” chose to steel from us, then instead of making things right, they took measures to hide evidence and silence those who knew, and were ready to share the truth. Together with his staff, Danny Hodges hurt our family very deeply…
Hello Daniel,
This is a precious post that really helped me deal with a transition at Calvary Chapel in St Pete. If you have not heard about the shakeup here, Pastor Danny is no longer with the fellowship after the “business board” decided he was no longer fit to lead the ministry.
I do have one question I’m hoping you can help me figure out Daniel. How can a man be ruled “unfit to lead” by such an overwhelming majority of men we trust within the fellowship yet choose on his own to start a new ministry down the road? Is this biblical, and if so, how so?
Hi Gloria, I’m glad the post help you out. I’m still going through the list almost on a daily basis… I am glad for God’s plan, I felt very strongly for years that Calvary Chapel St Petersburg had gotten too big, and that decisions were made that were not in the best interest of the flock, but instead, were business driven calls made by men of God who were not well suited for the type decisions that were made in the board room. The result? A river of tears that flows to a lake filled with bleeding hearts. Pastor Danny sinned against God, against my family and I, as well as others. As my Father forgives me even though I am undeserving, I choose to forgive Danny Hodges, and it is my sincere, heartfelt hope anyone harboring pain toward Danny Hodges and Calvary Chapel St Petersburg will do the same.
Hi Daniel, thank you for this post and the encouraging words you shared that will, I am certain of it, help those who end up here looking for help with pain caused by church leaders or pastors. I ended up on this web site when trying to find out more about pastor Danny Hodges, and when I heard through the grapevine that he was starting a new church in St Pete, I felt drawn to visiting and giving Danny the benefit of the doubt even though pastor Dave Dodge, pastor Tom Teel, pastor Art Dykstra, pastor Jim Connor and other members of the Calvary Chapel St Petersburg board, backed by PastorServe claim Danny Hodges is unfit to lead, that he is driven by his addictive personality and that much blame continued to be poured out, and much blame could be found in a man who hurt so many over the 30 plus years he spent in ministry.
Hi Robert, I agree with you that starting a new ministry shortly after getting fired from Calvary Chapel St Pete seems strange for a man who claims to be closer to God than ever, yet he chooses to ignore the voices of so many within the body who fervently point out he is unfit to lead, having an addictive personality that’s fueled by the attention he is getting as a leader. It is important to note Danny Hodges’ judgement was cast upon him by the very people he placed on his board according to their character and dedication to serve our Lord through the business, Calvary Chapel St Petersburg Inc. that eventually outgrew and exposed Danny for the man they claim he is, an angry alcoholic who abused his authority and hurt a lot of people. All I know is, I loved him as my teacher, but can no longer support a man who I hold personally responsible for wronging my family and I on several occasions. While I am able to forgive, I am also wise enough to steer clear of such a deeply flawed man when I see and hear one. To him who has an ear, let him hear.
Pastor Danny Hodges has to be the best teacher I have ever been blessed to call my mentor on more occasions than I can remember.
I’ve been saved for just a little over 16 years, and Danny’s teaching, along side with Wendy’s exemplary leadership continue to be staples in my life, in my wife’s life, and in our four children’s lives.
Danny & Wendy, if you ever read this comment, know that we will forever remain grateful for the love and faith driven enlightenment you poured out onto my family and I the way you did. Thank you, and God bless you!
I could not have said that better myself! #Brilliant